NightBlade Ah okay, I didn't know what you meant. However I'm not really the one she should go to for self-esteem boosts, for more reasons than that I'm not her friend.
Angel I started ignoring her texts last year after I woke up one morning and there were 11 new messages from her about how she "missed seeing my name come up in her phone", telling me she cried herself to sleep because of how sweet I was, etc. Big red flags everywhere. The only time after that that I have not neglected her texts was when a family friend of hers died, because even if you don't like a person I just think it's kinda morally/socially wrong to abandon them in times of actual grieving. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind for future people :) I'm still trying to break out of the mindset of "I have to please everyone", which I guess will just die off with age. *shrugs*
CNGoodhue : Anytime Yep been there, know what it's like and you definitely did the right thing. I get what you're saying about not abandoning them in times of grieving,so no fault there, although I'll be honest and say I've ignored a lot of people who came crying, grieving and stuff to me because once you give in and lend support in their dire need they tend to lean a lot heavier on you, and with it comes drama, and I just don't care as much as I used to because after a while you see the motive behind the tears. Not saying it's the same with her. But don't worry about it, it's a hard habit to break, I know since I still go through it from time to time. You are right though, as you get older it'll taper considerably. When you have a good heart like you do you just tend to care a lot more is all.
Post by Ellron Silvertree on Jan 19, 2016 20:13:13 GMT
I wouldn't say that caring about people is a bad thing. Also, just because someone is attention selling like that doesn't actually mean they have a conscious motive behind it. They might (and I would say it's probable) actually feel honest in what they say, but unconsciously what they really need is something else. Either way they need help of some kind from someone.
I'm working really hard to keep this mild, so please don't take offense, it's just this is a pretty major reason a lot of young kids end up dead.
NEVER ignore someone when they send you something suicidal. I don't care how much of an attention hog they are, I don't care if you hate their guts. You don't do it. What you do is you reply to them, say hey don't be like that. And then you tell an adult who can get them help if they need it. You don't have to get any more involved than that.
People who are entering puberty struggle with suicide a lot. Hormone changes, coupled with the natural tendency for adolescents to be more focused on themselves than others, results in people becoming really down on themselves. Even if she's not suicidal she can still hate herself.
I'm not saying she is or isn't. What I am saying is you have to take it seriously. I have known sooooo many people who are annoying attention hogs. Am I going to go be their bestie and do everything with them? No. But I'm not going to do anything that could, intentionally or not, put their lives in danger.
I don't ignore people when they say suicidal things. I didn't reply to her immediately because I was already asleep and only saw her message the next morning. But again I am really not the one she should go to if she has self-esteem problems and whatnot. I don't know her. We're not close at all and we hardly ever talk. I'm still trying to figure things out myself. That being said, obviously I'm not going to ignore her if she texts me saying that she hates herself and wants to die. That'd be kinda savage. But I'm going to get an adult who can handle it instead.
Certain topics like death, yeah sure come to me if you wanna talk about it cuz I have some experience with that sort of grief. But I'm still figuring out things like my own self-worth so sorry, can't help you there. I'll tell you that you don't suck and give you some Bible verses but I'm not going to tell the girl who's crushing on me that she's amazing and beautiful - that's how you lead people on. That probably sounds harsh but she needs to go to a friend or an adult because I don't know anything about her.
It'd be completely different, however, if say it was my good friend Mikey. I know him really well so I could easily boost his spirit if he was down and have done so in the past. It helps a lot to actually know the person.
I wasn't getting heated. Though I apologize if it seemed so. I'm exhausted and sick, and I have the rest of the week to make it through. And, yay for me, teachers decided to start off the semester with a ton of homework.
Okay, so irl I'm a pretty awkward/shy dude. (a: How do I keep a conversation moving?! Even if I think about what I'm going to say to someone before I approach them I end up improvising. (b: What are good/not-weird questions to ask? Obviously I don't want to walk up to someone and say, "Hey. What are your passions?" And also (c: Just awkwardness in general - how do you get over it?! I've read things that say to just keep talking to people and be outgoing, but I never have the guts to do it because I overthink and end up regretting not saying hi to person-x later.
Aheh. This is a subject close to my heart because that's me. Less so now, but still yeah. Um, for me I just kinda try to get the ball rolling. I'm a better listener than a talker most the time, so I've found that if I ask "What have you been doing lately?" And they answer "Oh I've got XYZ" You can then ask more questions about that and that gets them talking. And yeah.
Getting over it, you really do just have to push yourself.
CNGoodhue: Don't trust anything you read on introverted issues unless the author is a self-professed introvert. The articles are usually written by extroverts who find it easy to socialize, and don't know the struggle.
Anyway, I have this problem, too, and it drives me insane. I haven't figured out how to break it, but I find that if I have a piece of jewelry or something in my hands to fiddle with, it helps a lot. I usually wear a ring or two, so I'll just twist it when I'm making conversation, and it kinda helps me stay in the convo instead of worrying about something embarrassing I might say/do. I'm not suggesting that you start wearing jewelry, but that's how I fight the social awkwardness.
:) Thanks guys. jliessa44 I'm definitely going to try to start pushing myself more than I do (which isn't very often). WookieeElf Yeah, all the articles I've read don't seem to be very personal at all haha. I wear band bracelets so that's somewhat similar to jewelry, but that's an interesting idea. I'm gonna try it out XP
Post by Ellron Silvertree on Feb 17, 2016 3:14:27 GMT
I would just like to point out that introversion and extraversion don't actually equate to one's level of social awkwardness. I'm an extravert, but I used to be incredibly shy, and I still can be at times. The whole 'just keep trying' thing is actually a solid point. The only way to get better at something is to keep doing it. I know it can be terrifying, and I know that the longer you linger and put it off the harder it can get to just go for it. But honestly, once i just go and talk to someone I find that I really had no good reason to be nervous. I know it can be hard to keep up a conversation with someone without feeling awkward sometimes, but, like has been suggested, asking a question like "what are you up to" or "how was your day" or something can at least be a pretty good opener. And also, if you feel like you're being awkward, sometimes the best thing to do is to ignore that feeling and push past it. I know it can be hard. Honestly, though, this is one of those situations where "fake it 'till you make it" really applies. Even if you feel nervous, you're not the only one. It happens to everyone in one way or another. Just show genuine interest in the other person and, assuming they reciprocate it, let everything flow from there. It's always helpful if you discover a common interest as well. But even if you don't, a genuine interest in the other person is one of the best things you can have on your side.
What dey sez is true. Introversion and extroversion is nothing like what people think it is, like literally every time you hear it used is probably incorrect x) it simply means extroverts get their energy from other people, and introverts use up their energy on other people. Intros recharge by focusing inward themselves, and extros recharge by focusing outward to others. Many introverts are kinda shy, but many shy people are not actually introverts. Chances are, they/you just need practice. I used to think I was introverted until I just started talking to people. I had to accept some advice from others to become a more polite conversationalist, but in the end I became a total social butterfly and I can waste the entire day just chatting with people Basically the only advice I can add to theirs is, try to balance the discussion more about the other person than you. Too much about you and you seem like a narcissist. But if you just ask questions and listen to them, then you seem kinda creepy haha
Wow, thanks guys lol. I'll definitely put all of this to use haha. I'm also gonna get a job in a few months so that'll force me to spend a crapton of time in a social setting, so that's going to help me a lot I think :)
Post by Kirenyth Fireblade on Mar 30, 2016 17:29:08 GMT
One of my favorite questions to ask someone is "I you could have one superpower, what would it be?" I usually use it a minute or two into the conversation. It usually opens up interesting discussions! If all else fails, try to find common ground with whoever you're talking to, from music to sports to books to anything in general!
Physical bravery is an animal instinct; moral bravery is much higher and truer courage.
I agree: asking people questions about themselves usually gets them talking. People love to talk and think about themselves. Once the ice is broken, the conversation will hopefully begin to flow more normally. However, all you can do is take care of your part of the coversation, being politely interested, engaging, and not over-eager. The success of the conversation from that point on depends on the other person. If they also struggle with awkwardness, or are maybe just rude or in no mood to talk, the conversation will fall flat no matter what you do.
It's funny- I've noticed that at least online, the people who know the true definitions of Introvert, Extrovert, and Ambiverts are usually the Introverts. XD Maybe because we focus inward so much...
I posted this on my writing thread quite a while back and Idk who saw it but I'm actually curious to hear people's thoughts. This isn't me asking for advice, but somehow the discussion seems to fit here.
Me and my ol' homie Nate were watching a movie the other day, which I unfortunately cannot recommend due to the harsh language, but it has a very compelling story that makes you question yourself in a good way, on a level that everyone should self-investigate. It made me ask "Would I do that under those circumstances? Could I really say that I'm better than that?" "What if I didn't have the morals I believe in...how much of a difference would that make?" And then it made me ask myself how far I would go for the sake of sometime else. "Would I give up the one person who means most to me for the greater good? If I wouldn't stoop to this level for myself, would I do it for another person?" So think hard, be honest with yourself and answer these questions. How much would your morals mean to you if your home, your family, everything and everyone you have were taken away? What would you be willing to do to protect someone else? Would you lie, steal, kill if it came down to choosing between your conscience or your best friend's life? You learn a lot about yourself if you answer these truthfully.
So...do you have answers?
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum.
I would lie and steal. Idk about kill. It would depend on who I'm killing, who for, and why. I would probably beat someone up though. I dunno. People assume I'm a lot nicer than I actually am because I keep quiet and I'm small.
Yeah I'm with you...I would never forget that stealing, lying, killing is wrong. But in every case, letting someone that I care for suffer is a worse sin to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect those I care for. Maybe not for myself alone, but for the sake of someone else I'll do whatever it takes.
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum.
Dmitri Pendragon: Elytra: Wait, it's actually referring to the oldest post on the Underground? (I never did chase that down in fact…)
Nov 27, 2019 19:32:25 GMT
Leilani Sunblade: Rose: Welcome to Whitehall/the new Underground! Glad to see you found your way here. As Elytra said, the riddle's pointing towards the old site and, specifically, a scavenger-hunt type game that WTB and CH set up when they first released the book
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Leilani Sunblade: Sadly, the game is over, but we still have fun here.
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Warrior of Aror: Let us sit round the hearth and tell stories of the lives we have lived these past moons! I myself have been working at a grand theater telling Bible stories from behind the scenes.
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