|
Post by Draicon on Aug 10, 2015 6:02:11 GMT
Greetings all elves! Welcome to my writing thread. My name is Draicon, and many of you may know me from several years back when I was quite active on the underground. I wrote two stories called "The Flaming Skull" and "The Two-edged Sword" in what was originally planned to be a trilogy, but I lost the passion for those stories and never completed the series. I did, however, self-publish the first book. It is available on Amazon here: www.amazon.com/The-Flaming-Skull-Greenwood-Volume/dp/1461140676But its been a few years now since I've written anything major...had a few concepts that I never really followed through on, so I'm hoping this one will be different. My latest story concept is called "The King's Challenge" and is hopefully an adventure of grand proportions. Planning to get the first installment written and posted in the next 48 hours. Anyways, just a little more about myself...I'm 18 now, feel so old...going to uni just one day a week, because I can't figure out what course I want to do. Just been struggling to find my passion and career path. I'm still a big fan of Wayne Thomas Batson...I own all his books except one of the Dark Sea Annals books, and the Ghost series. I read through all of them almost yearly, and would tell you my favourite book except I can't decide between them The Door Within, Pirate series and Berinfell Prophecies are three of my favourite series of all time. Oh and one other fact that might be relevant...I live in Australia. So if I'm never online at the same time as you guys and spell some words differently to you, that's probably why. And...that's it for now I think. Endurance and victory!
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 10, 2015 6:12:18 GMT
Welcome back. I look forward to reading what you have. I remember doing a binge on your old thread and really enjoying it...though I don't think I ever commented on it o.O I feel your pain on the not knowing what course to study thing, been out of school for one and a half years as still have no idea. Pirate Series definitely up there in my favourites also. You'll find us kiwis on at the same sorts of times. (P.S. Eruanna Just saying you're not the 'special only Aussie' case anymore )
|
|
|
Post by Elytra on Aug 10, 2015 6:52:38 GMT
Welcome back, Draicon! It's good to see you again.
About half of the active UGers are from the southern hemisphere, and of those from Australia/New Zealand, so you'll find that we spell our words the same as you.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 10, 2015 9:19:50 GMT
Hey guys good to know there's some other people on here from my neck of the woods. Thanks for the praise Starsinger hopefully my next story is worth reading too
|
|
|
Post by Eruanna on Aug 10, 2015 11:21:34 GMT
WOOOOOOW HI! HI! HI, FRIEND! WE'RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS CAUSE I'M AUSSIE AND I'VE BEEN ALONE FOR SO LONG, HI! I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW, ONLY HAVING KIWIS AS COMPANY HALF THE TIME HAS NEAR DRIVEN ME MAD I'M SO HAPPY, HI.
I'm Eruanna by the way. We're gonna be together forever.
|
|
|
Post by jliessa44 on Aug 10, 2015 11:25:04 GMT
Well hey now. I stay on late here. Not as late, but fairly late.
Nice to see you again Draicon!
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 10, 2015 12:14:05 GMT
Hey Eruanna good to see a fellow aussie. I'm from down in Adelaide, you? Good to see you again Jliessa
|
|
|
Post by Eruanna on Aug 10, 2015 12:19:53 GMT
Up in good ol' QLD! The sunshiiiiiine state. This is where its at.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 10, 2015 12:33:11 GMT
Niiice. Never been to Queensland, but I hope to some day
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 12, 2015 4:17:39 GMT
Here's the first part. Feel free to comment, criticize, make suggestions, all of that. Hope you enjoy Chapter 1 Few men die the deaths they deserve. Great humanitarians are cut down by disease in their prime, while the most cunning villains die happy and rich. The sweetest of children are taken too soon, while cranky, cynical old men keep surviving. Such was the death of King Peter of Warrego, for he was surely a great man. In his twenty years ruling the island kingdom, he had brought unity and peace like no king before him. Then one night, he let out a final sigh in his sleep, and his heart beat no more. King Peter was a kind and generous king, and loved by most of his subjects. Most, but not all. Warrego was a nation made up of several tribes, and each was convinced of their superiority. They inhabited different areas of the island, mostly close to the coastline, because the centre of the island was filled with many perils. For centuries the tribes had competed for superiority, and war ravaged the land. Finally, after each tribe had been nearly decimated by constant conflict, a truce was settled. Warrego would have a king, selected from one of the tribes by a special competition. The first man to travel from the southernmost point of the kingdom to the castle gates in the north would become king, and each time a king died, a new king would be selected in the same way. It was a flawed system, to be sure. Some of the nation’s kings had been little more than hate-filled dictators or war-loving soldiers. But it was a system that kept Warrego from self-destructing. And on occasion the competition produced a truly wonderful king. Peter had won the contest as a young man, and upon becoming king made it his mission to bring unity to the kingdom. He introduced tamed transport birds, which carried the king and his messengers to tribes all over the kingdom. Peter ensured that every tribe was looked after, and brought supplies to people when drought or floods hit. Nobody was inferior to him; he looked every man, woman and child in the eye and with a smile. But as kind as he was, there were still people that wanted his crown. Warriors and arrogant leaders that hated to see anyone but them in control. With the king’s last breath, their wishes came true. They would have their chance to win the crown. In a week, the King’s Challenge would commence.
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 12, 2015 4:31:54 GMT
Cool, I like it. Possibly a little too much background on the previous King if the story is to do with the Challenge that will produce the next one. But I love the first sentence. Short, sweet and grabs interest.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 12, 2015 5:05:30 GMT
Thanks Starsinger You might be right...I could take out some of the details. Just felt like I needed to establish about the history of the tribes and the nation...might have a look at cutting some stuff out to improve the pace I like the first sentence too I think it's a good opening to a book
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 12, 2015 5:14:36 GMT
History is good, it's always hard figuring out the right amount to include and which details can be left out. Haha, I'm glad you do. It definitely is.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 13, 2015 2:04:23 GMT
Ok, here's the revised version...just removed a few lines which I thought distracted from the main point. I think the rest of the background info was needed...but feel free to disagree with me and make suggestions More to come soon Few men die the deaths they deserve. Great humanitarians are cut down by disease in their prime, while the most cunning villains die happy and rich. The sweetest of children are taken too soon, while cranky, cynical old men keep surviving. Such was the death of King Peter of Warrego, for he was surely a great man. In his twenty years ruling the island kingdom, he had brought unity and peace like no king before him. Then one night, he let out a final sigh in his sleep, and his heart beat no more. King Peter was a kind and generous king, and loved by most of his subjects. Most, but not all. Warrego was a nation made up of several tribes, and each was convinced of their superiority. They inhabited different areas of the island, mostly close to the coastline, because the centre of the island was filled with many perils. For centuries the tribes had competed for superiority, and war ravaged the land. Finally, after each tribe had been nearly decimated by constant conflict, a truce was settled. Warrego would have a king, selected from one of the tribes by a special competition. The first man to travel from the southernmost point of the kingdom to the castle gates in the north would become king, and each time a king died, a new king would be selected in the same way. It was a flawed system, to be sure. Some of the nation’s kings had been little more than hate-filled dictators or war-loving soldiers. But it was a system that kept Warrego from self-destructing. And on occasion the competition produced a truly wonderful king...with Peter being the greatest of all Despite his kindness and generosity, there were still people that wanted Peter's crown. Warriors and arrogant leaders that hated to see anyone but themselves in control. With the king’s last breath, their wishes came true. They would have their chance to win the crown. In a week, the King’s Challenge would commence.
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 13, 2015 6:22:19 GMT
Mm, that feels like it flows better, and is easier to read
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 13, 2015 8:35:04 GMT
Thanks for the feedback Hopefully some other people will start reading it too haha
|
|
|
Post by Aviar Goldeneagle on Aug 13, 2015 8:37:14 GMT
Haha, Yup, I'm reading it. And I like it so far. Keep it coming. And nice to meet you Draicon.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 13, 2015 8:39:48 GMT
Nice to meet you Aviar Glad you enjoyed it, will try and post longer sections in the future
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 13, 2015 8:40:31 GMT
You're welcome. Yup, and non irritating one who don't feel the need to tell you to alter it I'm sure would be nice
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 13, 2015 11:35:32 GMT
Nah it's good to get feedback it's not irritating, it's actually re-assuring because I know you're being honest and not just saying it's good to make me happy haha
|
|
|
Post by CNGoodhue on Aug 15, 2015 23:12:30 GMT
Australia? Australia is dominating the hardcore music scene these days haha.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 18, 2015 3:56:15 GMT
CNgoodhue: sorry can't say I would know haha, not really my scene
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 18, 2015 3:57:15 GMT
Sorry for the lack of updates guys, just got a bit busy with uni stuff and getting my drivers licence and some other stuff, hopefully I will have some more of chapter 1 for you tomorrow
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 19, 2015 10:12:22 GMT
Alrighty, here's the next part. I did a bit of revising yet again I just want to make sure that the story starts off with the right flow and feel. So I deleted a bit from the part I posted before, and then wrote a fair bit more. Let me know what you think. Chapter 1
Few men die the deaths they deserve. Great humanitarians are cut down by disease in their prime, while the most cunning villains die happy and rich. The sweetest of children are taken too soon, while cranky, cynical old men keep surviving. Such was the death of King Peter of Warrego, for he was surely a great man. In his twenty years ruling the island kingdom, he had brought unity and peace like no king before him. Then one night, he let out a final sigh in his sleep, and his heart beat no more.
Tiana was growing increasingly impatient. She had been waiting in the dining hall for half an hour, and her father had still not arrived for breakfast. He was usually the most punctual of people, yet today it seemed he had overslept. An elderly servant with kind eyes approached Tiana. “Should I go ahead and serve breakfast, Your Highness?” she asked. Tiana considered momentarily before shaking her head. “I haven’t eaten without Dad in years. It just wouldn’t be right. I’ll go wake him up.” The servant curtsied and left the room, leaving the Crown Princess of Warrego to wake her father from his slumber. Tiana padded barefoot through the stone halls of their castle, passing numerous banquet halls, kitchens and guest bedrooms. The lush, soft carpet tickled her toes and her long nightgown trailed behind her. The one downside of living in a castle is the amount of time it takes to get anywhere. It took Tiana nearly ten minutes to reach her father’s chamber, and she wondered, not for the first time in her life, why they needed so many rooms. Still, she couldn’t deny how beautiful the castle was, especially as she reached to knock on her father’s ornately carved wooden door. She lightly rapped on the door three times, but was met with only silence. She knocked again. More silence. Gently turning the handle, Tiana opened the door and quietly stepped into the room. She paused for a moment to marvel at the glorious view of the sea through her father’s large windows, before turning to the bed. Almost lost within a sea of blankets and mountains of pillows, King Peter lay peacefully with his arms crossed over his chest. Tiana smiled at the sight. “Time to wake up, Your Royal Highness,” she said playfully. “The kingdom isn’t going to rule itself.” There was no reaction from the bed, so Tiana walked closer and sat down beside her father. “Come on, Dad. The breakfast is getting cold and I’m famished.” Still he didn’t move an inch, and only then did Tiana start to worry. “Dad!” she said louder, giving him a slight push. “This isn’t funny, Dad. Wake up!” Louder and louder she begged him to wake, pushing harder against him until she had almost pushed him off the enormous bed. The whole time, his eyes didn’t open and he didn’t react. Tiana knew he was gone. “HEEEELLLP!!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. “HEELLP MEEE!!”
Wentworth was a pretentious creature, from his overly-shined shoes to his upturned nose and carefully groomed hair. He was also the personal aide of King Peter, and therefore one of the most powerful people in the kingdom. When a young servant finally found him and told him the news, a cold dread seized his heart. It wasn’t anguish at the king’s death, for Wentworth cared little for anyone apart from himself. But he had worked for years to become the king’s most trusted aide, and he could see his power and position disappearing in front of his eyes. As he ran to the royal chamber, lanky limbs flying and expensive robes flapping behind him, he was already hatching a plan to not only maintain his power, but increase it. Like an actor preparing for his greatest role, Wentworth forced himself to adopt a sorrowful look, even faking a few tears. Then he rushed into the king’s bedroom, acting more out of breath than he actually was. Tiana lay sprawled over her father on the bed, her body heaving with every sob. She barely looked up as he entered, so great was her sadness. “What are we going to do without him, Wentworth?” Tiana asked tearfully, punctuating the words with sobs. “What are we going to do?” Wentworth paused, pretending to force down a lump in his throat. A few more crocodile tears trickled down his long, narrow face. “The only thing we can do, Your Highness,” he said with a terrible sigh. “We must begin the search for a new king before the whole kingdom collapses.” Tiana barely registered the words in her heartbroken state. She knew the laws of course. She knew what had to be done. But none of that mattered to her right now, and if Wentworth had already moved on from her father’s death, he should just leave. She knew that was being unkind to Wentworth. Her father’s aide was only doing what he thought was necessary. “Of course,” she murmured finally. “You make all the arrangements, Wentworth. I don’t have the heart for it.” Wentworth nodded gravely, working hard to stop the smile that wanted to creep on to his features. “As you wish, Your Highness. I will send out the messenger hawks. The King’s Challenge will commence in a week.”
|
|
|
Post by Aviar Goldeneagle on Aug 19, 2015 22:36:38 GMT
I liked that Draicon. I think it's a better way of starting than you had before. I especially like the way you have the princess go in and find her father dead--an especially gripping and dramatic beginning to the story. It also helps in that we already know the king is dead before the princess goes in. I was really finding myself wondering how she was going to react. One thing I was wondering about. You call Tiana the "crown princess", and I believe that means she's next in line for the crown. However, assuming the King's Challenge is still the same as you described in earlier versions of the story, then a new person will be the ruler, not her. So I don't think "crown princess" is the correct title. I think my favourite character so far is Wentworth. I'm interested to see what his plan is. Keep it coming.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 20, 2015 0:19:46 GMT
Thanks for the feedback Aviar I'm glad you like the new beginning more...I think it just works a lot better. I think I'll do a bit of the history at the end of this chapter, like after Wentworth talks about the King's Challenge, explain what that is and why it's necessary (because of the tribes fighting). Sound ok? And I think you're right about the crown princess thing. I'll go back and change it Thanks again
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 20, 2015 0:34:10 GMT
Mm, the beginning does work better.
I was going to make the same crown princess comment as Aviar. But now I just have to say I look forward to reading more. ...though I shall always think of Jane Austen's Captain Wentworth when I see the name o.O
|
|
|
Post by Aviar Goldeneagle on Aug 20, 2015 0:42:07 GMT
That sounds great Draicon. Look forward to reading more.
|
|
|
Post by Draicon on Aug 20, 2015 11:12:24 GMT
Thanks Starsinger can't say I've read Jane Austin's stuff before haha Hope to put more out soon
|
|
|
Post by Starsinger on Aug 20, 2015 11:37:54 GMT
Well, I haven't actually yet read Persuasion, which is where he's from, I've just watched a couple adaptations of it far too many times o.O I shall wait patiently then
|
|